The Scars You Leave.
Strong Words.
Hate is a strong word and one I rarely use, there is very little I truly despise, but bullying? For that I make the exception. If you are the kind of person that gets a kick out of the misery of another for no other reason than it empowers you, I’m sorry* but I do actually hate you.
*I’m not sorry.
Children and adults are picked on for all kinds of reasons, none of which make any sense at all. Sexuality, colour, perceived weakness, hair, weight and so on and so on…it’s barely worth talking about the reasons because they make no sense to anyone with an ounce of compassion. And that’s the thing I wish all victims could know, bullies are not bright or thoughtful in ways that most human beings are, they are deeply, deeply flawed.
There’s a very good reason, apart from he obvious, for why I feel this way. I have seen first hand the long lasting effects that this cruel behaviour can have on someone.
Is He Dead Yet?
Once a year my dad would receive a copy of The Old Radleian, the alumni magazine for ex students of the highly regarded public school, Radley College in Oxfordshire. Past students included Peter Cook, Andrew Strauss and ‘Made in Chelsea’ star and candy extraordinaire, Jamie Laing.
My dad followed ten years behind my Uncle Richard who had excelled at the school, going on to Cambridge and ending his career in medicine with an OBE and several books to his name. The problem for my dad was…he wasn’t his brother. Averagely bright and possibly the most non-sporty man I have ever met, he was doomed to fail in a world where academic and physical prowess ruled.
If you think today schools have it bad, may I introduce you to 1950’s English boarding schools? Here are a couple of the delights a weaker boy might endure away from the protection of his parents (note this is not specific to Radley College):
Fagging - A now outdated practice of having younger ‘fags’ do menial jobs for, usually older, students. This could range from polishing shoes, fetching tea and pre-warming toilet seats to much more sinister requests, including sexual acts. Even more humiliating were the rarer cases where an older boy deemed as weak might be ordered to be a ‘fag’ for a younger boy.
Sexual abuse - Rife in 1950’s public schools, hundreds of young children away from their families and without the ability to communicate were sitting ducks for both abusive students and masters alike. Of course the cane was also common place, a young boy having to be subjected to this punishment by a sadistic ‘master’? Ah the bad old days.
Anyway, I digress…my dad did not read The Old Radleian for sentimental reasons, he did not care who had gone on to achieve greatness in the world, or won Gold for England. He would flick straight to the back of the magazine until he reached the Obituaries, eagerly running his finger down the list of names to see if his tormentor had died yet. It was an obsession, the need for his own bully to have met his end and the grislier, the better. The scars ran deep and they barely faded throughout his entire life. That is the effect that bullying can have, it doesn’t always leave you at the school gates.
Bullies in Film.
Bullying is a popular theme in books and films, particularly horror. Stephen King often uses it, think ‘Carrie’ and ‘IT.’ Who can forget the imagine of Henry Bowers carving the letter H on Ben Hanscom’s tummy, or Carrie desperately trying to get help in the shower and facing taunts and jeers from the bitchy popular girls? It’s uncomfortable to watch, and surely what we want and crave more than anything from the story, is for the perpetrator to pay dearly for their crimes?
In Stephen King’s excellent book ‘On Writing’ he talks about the origins of Carrie. That most of us will have known a girl like her at school, the outcast, the shabbily dressed child with few or no friends. I remember that girl, I don’t think she was bullied, but looking back I’m sure we all could have done more to include her had we not been so caught up in our own teen dramas and friendship groups.
Horror Provides Sweet Revenge.
One of my favourite films is the stunningly beautiful and poignant vampire film, ‘Let the Right One In.’ Based on the John Ajvide Lindqvist novel of the same name. It tells the story of Oskar, a sensitive boy living alone with his mother in rural Sweden. An outcast, he is bullied by a group of boys who make his lonely life a misery. When he meets his neighbour, the mysterious and sullen Eli, they form a strong and touching bond that ultimately leads to the demise of his tormentors.
For not only is Eli Oskar’s best friend, she is (handily for him) a vampire. When Oskar is once again subjected to the cruelty of the bullies Eli appears from nowhere and wreaks revenge on his behalf…let’s just say,
‘No need to renew that season ticket for the municipal pool lads!’
Never have I seen a more satisfying pay off to a story. It’s simply stunning and the ultimate payback for the cruelty they subjected a vulnerable young boy to.
Vengeful? Moi? Absolutely.
Are bullies damaged themselves? Terrible childhoods? Inferiority complexes or just plain mean? The reason matters not to me, it is never ok to make another person suffer to make up for the shortfalls in your own life.
May I Recommend…
James Scudamore is an incredible writer, I read his book ‘Wreaking’ as part of my research into asylums, which is where my first novel, ‘The Cure’ is set.
His next book, ‘English Monsters’ beautifully and hauntingly explores some of the themes discussed in this newsletter. An idyllic childhood and life is turned on its head when a young boy is sent away to boarding school.
'Breathtakingly good' Observer
'Dark, tender, troubling' Guardian
You can buy 'English Monsters' here.
Radley College Today.
After dad died in 2000 I wrote to Radley and explained all that he had been through and the effect it had on his life. I wanted to know that the boys today had more protection and access to services should they need them. I received back a long and very kind email from them, expressing sadness for the experience my dad had had and assuring me that today the school was a very different place. I printed off the email and took it to my dad’s grave and put it by his headstone, hoping that in some way, some of those ghosts that had haunted him throughout his life, might finally be laid to rest.
Sally-Anne x